How to Help Your Child Choose the Work They Are Meant to Do

We live in a world in which we are bombarded by notifications and interruptions. It used to be that when something was important, it was a “priority.” But this singular result was deemed insufficient, so the English language was literally changed to accommodate our result-obsessed culture, inventing the plural “priorities.” As everyone was so busy in their insular pursuits, even listening to other people became so difficult that it was necessary to create a new phrase, “active listening,” which is really nothing more than listening with your full attention. What an indictment.

Against this backdrop, your challenge is to see the true self of your child. Adding to the difficulty is that your child is navigating a chaotic world, much like how a person on a wooden raft negotiates the giant waves of the sea. Children only fully develop their brains by age twenty-five and take many years, if not decades, to become fully comfortable with who they are and what they stand for. If you can make your child feel heard, they will be more willing to explore the hidden crevices of their soul and find the courage to pursue the work they are meant to do.

Whenever you speak with your child, or indeed anyone, pause and remind yourself, “All support begins with listening.” Appreciate how simply giving undivided attention to your child in itself validates that your child matters as a person. Your silent but intense concentration highlights that what you don’t say is just as important as what you do say. Your body language reveals your level of interest. Are you leaning in and receptive? Or are you floating in another world and just happen to be in close proximity to your child? Ask questions related to what they are sharing with you to demonstrate your interest in what they are saying.

You love your child. Laser focus that love into intense concentration.

As you observe your child, notice the moments that spark genuine excitement. What gives your child energy is more important than the letters on any report card. Just as Gillian Lynne’s psychologist saw a dancer in a “disruptive” child, what do you see in your child? Here are some specific signs to look out for:

• A deep connection to a topic sparks emotions. Notice your child’s body language. Are their eyes lighting up? Is tonality becoming more energized when discussing a particular topic?
• Pay attention to how your child spends their free time. Which activities does your child frequently repeat? Observe what types of books or media your child gravitates toward. What specific details does your child remember?
• What are the topics that your child asks about? Do they merely ask a fleeting question and move on? Or do they keep coming back to the topic for months, discussing it and trying to understand it more fully?
• Does your child love certain challenges that other children do not enjoy? For example, do they read many books on a certain topic without being told to do so?

This article is an excerpt from the Parenting Chapter in Choose Your Work